…Smashville High School!
by joebthegreat
Summary: As all the smashers go to high school... they must overcome... something... I dont know... I dont have my brain with me at the moment... JUST READ IT!
1. Intro and stuff

**Smashville High School!**

**  
Chapter 1: Intro… and stuff…**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything… don't own SSBM… don't own High school… don't own you… don't know why you think I actually might own any of that…

Reviews:

AFHGadf: HAHA… thank you…

Gold stars:

AFHGadf: here ya go!… 24 gold stars!

Here is yet another stupid story by this stupid author… everyone says "ooh you aren't stupid!" what they don't realize is… I'm trying to be stupid so all they achieve is insulting me!

Ok… all my writing has led up to this point… when I started I really sucked… bad… I hope this will be better than my first stories! (it wont be…)

HEY!… YOU SUCK PARENTHESIS MAN!

Anyway… now I can understand what I type… WOW… and kazzjaf changed to kazzjaff… and yeah…

But that's all ok… because I'm stupid…

ALL HAIL THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

Or Reel Big Fish… Either way I'll be happy…

* * *

RING! Goes the alarm clock! 

And Ness woke up all mad and stuff… so he used his psychic powers to blow his alarm clock up and stuff… so he got dressed and stuff… then he ate and stuff… then he went off to school and stuff

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RING! Goes a different alarm clock!

And so Peach woke up and stuff… then realized she was younger and stuff… then got confused and stuff…

(MH: IT WAS CRAZY HANDS IDEA I SWEAR!… we made all the Smashers 16... Just to say we did!)

So Peach looked at what there was to wear… then decided to wear a skirt that went to her knees with slits up to her thighs… she thought it looked cute!… and Peach wore a shirt that said "HUG ME!" on each individual breast… she thought it looked cute… I think she is asking to be raped… then she went to school and stuff…

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RING! Yet again… as the people got annoyed!

Mario woke up and looked at Luigi… then threw his face out the window while giggling uncontrollably… then Luigi woke up to all the giggles and realized his face was missing… so he screamed and jumped out the window… Mario's giggles turned into a full time seizure and he twitched his way to school… and stuff… No one cares about Luigi though so lets end it and stuff…

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RING! Goes a perfectly timed mother!

Gannondorf woke up and hit the alarm clock… but it was his perfectly timed mother and so he ended up killing her… he looked around scared and ran off screaming… he somehow made it to school… and stuff…

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RING! Goes Dr. Mario's patients alarm!

Dr. Mario woke up and stuff… but he thought it was just the bell to wake him up for school so he got ready and ate and stuff… and left for school and stuff… the patient died because no one came to help him through the heart attack… so he cried… and crying mixed with heart attacks always leads to death by carbon monoxide…

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SCREECH! Goes a scared Diddy Kong!

DK woke up and went to go to school… but slipped on a banana peel and feel over… luckily Diddy broke the fall… although he was killed in the shock of a 258 ton ape falling on him… Then DK cried and stuff… then he went to school and stuff… even though he wasn't registered… and stuff…

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HAHA! Goes a never sleeping C. Falcon!

C. Falcon laughed and ran in circles before realizing he was going to school for no apparent reason… then he went without doing anything… no eating… no brushing teeth… no dressing (his clothes cant come on or off)… no baths… no nothing and stuff…

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THIS IS ROB 64!… WAKE THE HELL UP! Goes the outdated piece of junk that shouldn't have survived the first game let alone all the way into the new stuff!

"THE AUTHOR IS RIGHT!… YOUR NAME IS ROB **64**... NOW DIE!" Fox screamed and shot Rob 64 in the head with his pistol… sadly it sucks and Rob didn't die…

So Fox woke Falco up with a fart… or at least he tried… but it didn't work… so he threw a hunk of poo at him… oh dear… THAT woke him up… and then they went to school and stuff… forgetting about the whole incident… and stuff…

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HEE-HAW! Goes a creepy mix of every other Fire Emblem game around… yeah…

Roy and Marth woke up in the same bed… looked at each other disgusted… they had just realized something… Fanfiction fan girls were perverts!… HECK YEAH! They grinned and then pretended to do stuff while looking into the distance dramatically… then went to school… and stuff…

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WAKE UP! Goes the strangely modern old age alarm clock!

Link woke up and saw the strangest sight… Y. Link was right next to him…

"Umm… which of us is which?" Link asked in confusion.

"I don't know!" the other Link asked as they had already lost their identities.

"WE'RE TWINS!" both shouted at once…

"HEY!… AH CRAP NOT ANOTHER ONE OF THESE!" Links said.

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DING DONG THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD! Goes the freaky midget in a rainbow trench coat!

Zelda woke up and saw Sheik sitting above her with a knife.

"AHH! I'VE LOST MY POWER TO SPY ON MY TRUE LOVE!" Zelda screamed and then picked Sheik up and threw him out the window.

"HEY!… I'm confused as to what happened too… I thought I was a girl but when I went to pleasure myself I pushed my package inside out and now there is a strange stinging sensation whenever I move… and I'm just ignoring it…" Sheik said as tears filled his eyes.

"Is that what you were doing with that knife?" Zelda asked.

"Umm…" Sheik started sweating "Sure why not!"

And so they got ready and stuff and went to school and stuff…

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BEEP! Goes the beeper machine!

Popo rolled over and accidentally crushed Nana under his insane weight… then without even noticing he just left for school in the same parka he wears every day… which was very dirty due to this fact…

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(SILENCE) Goes the alarm clock that isn't there because SOMEBODY ate it…

Kirby woke up and stuff… then wondered why he can hear silence and stuff… then went to school and stuff… (he doesn't bother to get dressed because… HE DOESN'T WEAR CLOTHES!)

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SPLAT! Goes the train that thought he could as he fell off the tracks and died…

"Did you hear something?" Pikachu asked as he turned over to Pichu.

Sadly Pichu was crushed by the train… which is why the SPLAT was there… DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING!

So Pikachu cried and stuff… then got ready for school and stuff… then left and stuff…

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No one cares anymore so basically everyone made if to school… and stuff… with the exception of Pichu of course… that was to be expected…

The school was a large… okay fine… medium sized… OH FINE!… it was basically 10 rooms with all 8 classes required classes… the schedule everyone had was:

1 period Geometry  
2 period Biology  
3 period English  
4 period Gym  
5 period World Civ.  
6 period Comp. Tech.  
7 period AP Commercial Art 2 honors  
8 Teacher's Assistant

* * *

YAY! 

Ok then…

Good for me then…

I would like to yell at you… but I wont… I will only tell you that I would like to…

…is acooler ,

.is asexier +

Lol means,I would like to eat you babies…

R&ASDFGHJKL Read and Ask Someone Dead For Good Health in July's K Lice…


	2. The pains of 2Dism

**Smashville High School!**

**  
Chapter 2: The pains of 2-D…ism…**

Disclaimer: I don't own your virginity… but I plan on stealing it and replacing it with milk!

Reviews: (this wonderful tradition has been killed by the bigots at fan fiction… WHY WON'T THEY LET US PRACTICE OUR HERITAGE?)

Gold stars:

If you reviewed: 13

If you liked it: 666

If you hated it and yet bothered to look up the next chapter: 101

Well… thanks… I guess…

I hate computers… I still like programming computers… and I prefer typing to handwritten stuff… and it is a part of my everyday life… but I still hate it all at the same time…

Remember the schedule: (and also remember… it's A/B schedule… so they go to4 classes each day)

_1 period Geometry  
__2 period Biology  
__3 period English  
__4 period Gym  
__5 period World Civ.  
__6 period Comp. Tech.  
__7 period AP Commercial Art 2 honors  
__8 Teacher's Assistant_

(oh… and my very own SSBM forums are spammed with people who hate me… if you go there you'll notice how bad it is… I CANT GO TO MY OWN FORUMS FOR FEAR OF BEING ATTACKED! So if you're reading this… please go to my forums and carry on the battle to stop people from annoying me!)

REEL BIG FISH!

* * *

Mr. G&W walked down the hallway to his first period… he was crying… sadly his tears were invisible due to their 2-Dness… he cried more because of this… he had no friends… he cried even harder… he couldn't see because his 2-D head didn't have room for eyes… all he could do was beep because he didn't have a mouth… he lived in constant danger due to the fact that he would fall down any cracks in the floor… he didn't have the ability to write because he couldn't hold normal pencils… his whole life was filled with crying invisible 2-D tears… (if you aren't laughing now then you are a mean person) 

As he walked down the hall he saw some kid looking at him… he went to talk to the kid… but tripped and ended up slicing the poor kid into two even halves… this caused the hall to fill up with laughter… especially because this kid was the Principals child and was coming to the school in an attempt to escape a group of rapists… this caused Master Hand to cry… then realize it was HIS son… so he laughed with the rest of the crowd…

This was what Mr. G&W had to bear as he walked into his first period Geometry class…

"HELLO CLASS!… and that 2-D thing that is going to be lurking around for the next school year…" Crazy Hand yelled as he tried to stare at Mr. G&W… the lack of eyes ruined this moment entirely…

Mr. G&W cried even harder… but it sounded like normal beeps and no one could see any tears… for they were invisible…

After Crazy Hand gave sufficient time to let everyone look at Mr. G&W with disgust he went on…

"OK THEN! TODAY WE WILL LEARN EACH OTHER'S NAMES! And you could learn the name of that 2-D thing if you want too… but I don't care…" Crazy Hand said enthusiastically. "YOU WILL BE QUIZED AND YOUR WHOLE GRADE WILL DEPEND ON YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF EVERYONE ELSE'S NAME IN CLASS! Except that 2-D thing of course…"

The rest of Geometry was everyone ignoring our poor 2-D thing… I MEAN FRIEND… and had absolutely nothing to do with math…

As the school bell rang and everyone left class Mr. G&W went to leave. He would have stood up to leave if it wasn't for the fact that 2-D people can't sit down.

"2-D thing!… I want you to stay after class for just a second…" Crazy Hand said.

Mr. G&W attempted to gulp, but in his 2-Dness he ended up causing the front of his neck to burst open and saliva to pop out dissolving what would have been his desk… as he rolled around on the floor (or at least tried, seeing as how 2-D people don't have what it takes to roll) Crazy Hand started bashing himself against the wall laughing…

"Ok then… Mr. G&W… you have been very depressed and sad lately… I don't want that kind of an attitude dragging my class down… the next time I see you, you should be serving everyone with a SMILE on your face!"

Mr. G&W tried to tell Crazy Hand that it was impossible to smile without a mouth… but Crazy Hand would not listen (perhaps because Mr. G&W can only beep?)… So Crazy Hand did what any logical hand with no brain would do… he fell over and started twitching. Mr. G&W slowly stepped back until he was at a safe distance… then broke into a full run towards his next class, Biology.

When Mr. G&W entered the Biology room, Female Wire Frame was busy trying to put her fingers through her hair… but seeing as how her hair was like one long thick strand of wires she couldn't do it and ended up fainting on the spot.

The bell rang and everyone entered the classroom exactly four seconds after… although no one knows how they crowded through the doors all at once… they still did it…

"Hello class! I'll be your teacher in Biology! I'm also a coach! I'm not all that physically fit… but I AM a science teacher… and all science teachers have to end up as coaches too!"

"What team are you the coach of?" Ness asked raising his hand.

"I don't really know…" the Female Wire Frame replied.

Mr. G&W watched the social interaction between the teacher and her student with awe… he wished he could _talk_… and _have other people act as if you exist_… but it would obviously never happen…

For class in Biology, Female Wire Frame tried to bounce on a pogo stick but failed miserably and ended up killing all the fish in her fish tank.

"Oops… ok then… I'll pass a seating chart around and you'll tell me where you're sitting! ISNT IT FUN?" Female Wire Frame said and passed a piece of paper around where which people wrote their names down randomly… when the paper got to Mr. G&W he held it with awe… it was so… so… _thin…_

Then the bell rang… as Mr. G&W left he realized he was already half way done with his first day in school… he felt like a million toilets…

Mr. G&W then walked into the English classroom. There were thousands upon thousands of Shakespeare posters all hung in this regular sized classroom. The desks were painted with portraits of Shakespeare. Quotes filled the room, all of which were from Shakespeare. Mr. G&W was confused… as none of these quotes applied to his 2-D kind.

"GOOD MORNING CLASS!" Sonic said getting up from his den of Shakespearean magazines. "I'LL BE YOUR TEACHER FOR THE YEAR!" Sonic said again.

"Why are you yelling?" Ness asked in confusion.

"BECAUSE I'VE BEEN LISTENING TO SHAKESPEARE FULL BLAST ON MY RADIO FOR THE PAST 12 YEARS!" Sonic said screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Then why do you understand me?" Ness asked.

"Oh dang… you figured me out… ok fine…" and with this Sonic started teaching the Smashers all about why Shakespeare is better than anything else.

As Sonic spoke Mr. G&W started to cry. He would have been able to match Shakespeare in greatness… if he had the ability to talk… or write… or read… he beeped in agony.

"SHUT UP! YOU GET A U FOR THIS TERM!" Sonic yelled pointing at Mr. G&W… Mr. G&W then fell over for the remainder of the class.

When the bell rang Mr. G&W got up and ran out to the hall. He was almost done with his first day. He was excited about getting home to other 2-D people like him.

As he walked into the gym he noticed strange instruments of torture and pain. Piles of body parts were lying in the corner where flies were busy doing whatever flies do.

"HELLO CLASS! IT'S MY JOB TO TORTURE YOU FOR THE NEXT YEAR!" Giga Bowser screamed and then laughed a diabolical laugh.

Mr. G&W whimpered in fear. He had no muscles, being the 2-D person that he was. He had no chance of passing this class.

"OK THEN! RUN A MILE!" Giga Bowser yelled and pulled out a whip. For the next hour and a half he assaulted the Smashers…

Mr. G&W managed to slip under a piece of paper and use it for cover… therefore no one noticed he wasn't there to do any of the work… being unloved sure had it's positive sides!

As he sat there gloating he was stepped on by Giga Bowser and ripped in half… Mr. G&W died… the end… how sad… no one sued because no one loves him… oh well…

At the end of Gym… everyone left somehow… and Master Hand did a belly dance with some random girl's belly… and ended up tearing her organs out of her body… so the Smashville High School had to hide her where they hide the other bodies that die when they mess up with belly dances… the janitors closet…

* * *

YAY! 

If it looks like I'm building up a plot… well… MAYBE I AM!

But it is much more likely this will be ignored… but I still suggest reading this over when I finish just to see how it all fits together… I like to do that with completed stories from time to time…

YAY AGAIN!

This is in no way related to any experiences I've had with school… (or maybe it is subconsciously)…

And I'd like you to think… ok that will be all…

GRADES:

4.0... Simple enough…

LIFE:

I know I know… my friends have forced me to get a life for this school year… and I may enter something for my schools film festival… If I had actors that would bow to my every whim!

But that's ok… Claymation is a possibility… I just need to get a job first… and I need to turn 16 and get a drivers license first… so that's going to be a while…

GAMING:

Well… I found this game called _Champions_ for the PS2... It's awesome… actually my friend found it and I've just played it for two days… but I'm a level 25 in two days and have PWNAGE armor for my level… ok maybe I have less of a life than I stated earlier… oh whatever…

R&EEEEE… Read and Eat Ever Evil Enchiladas… Eww! (TADA!)


	3. A horrific attempt at romance1

**Smashville High School!**

**  
Chapter 3: A horrific attempt at romance... Part 1!**

Disclaimer: I don't own what I don't own…

Reviews: blah blah blah…

Gold stars:

If you reviewed: 995

If you liked it: 1

If you hated it and yet bothered to look up the next chapter: 996

Remember the schedule: (and also remember… it's A/B schedule… so they go to half of the classes each day)

_1 period Geometry  
__2 period Biology  
__3 period English  
__4 period Gym  
__5 period World Civ.  
__6 period Comp. Tech.  
__7 period AP Commercial Art 2 honors  
__8 Teacher's Assistant_

Oh… and in case you're stupid… this starts when they all get to school… and ends when school is over (unless extra-curricular stuff is going on)

(my SSBM ADVERTISEMENTS story was deleted! It was too offensive! Oh well… If my stories ever get deleted… being offensive to a bunch of dumbasses is how I'd want them to go)

REEL BIG FISH, BLOODHOUND GANG, ICP, PSYBOT, WHATEVER ELSE SOUNDS COOL! (some of these bands may be rated M)

* * *

Pikachu was roaming the halls, depressed. He couldn't get over the fact that his dear friend, Pichu hadn't made it to school on the first day. He tried to look down at the ground, but the composition of his neck wouldn't allow him to, this caused him to be even sadder. He started to try to cry, but the composition of his eyes just made him look even cuter, this caused him to be the saddest thing ever known to mankind, but when Pikachu realized he was unknown to mankind, he got even sadder. 

Jigglypuff was, um, puffing around, when she saw Pikachu roaming the halls in a cute style looking only straight ahead. She admired the courage of the Pokemon, and loved the fact that he looked so cute. She walked over to him nervously.

"J-J-Jigg-Jiggly Jig Jig Puff Jig!" Jigglypuff said, sounding exasperated.

"Pika. PIKA PIKACHU?" Pikachu said, wondering what in gods name Jigglypuff had just said. This confusion made him even sadder.

"JIGGLY JIGGLY JIGGLYPUFF?" Jigglypuff said, asking what Pikachu had just said.

"PIKA PIKACHU?"

"JIGGLY JIGGLYPUFF?"

This continued until the bell rang.

(with the Link twins)

"DUDE! WHO ARE WE?" Link said.

"I DON'T KNOW!" the other Link said.

Just then, the two saw Zelda and Sheik walking side by side. They stared in wonderment/amazement/ugly.

"WHY ARE THEY IN TWO SEPARATE BODIES?" the two Links yelled at once.

This caused Zelda and Sheik to look over at the two similar Links. They drooled in their stupidity, then they noticed that TWO LINKS were standing in front of them. They drooled in their love…ish state.

"Why are you in two separate bodies?" Link asked Zelda and Sheik.

"Why are there two of you?" Zelda asked the Links.

"WE DON'T KNOW WHO WE ARE ANYMORE!" all four of the Hylians yelled in horror.

Just then they looked at each other with a mixture of love and stupidity.

"Lets go on a date!" They all said at once, then left for fifth period.

As the four non-heroes walked in, they saw maps upon maps. Hundreds of maps were everywhere. There was a map of Germany, a map of Japan, a map of London, a map of the school's girl's bathroom.

"Welcome to the historically inaccurate history class. I will be your teacher for as long as I can go without snapping and killing one of you. My name is Mr. Wire Frame"

With this… almost every single head in the classroom went down. Ness, Mewtwo, and Samus were the only ones to actually stay awake through this next part.

(-e BORING ALERT e-)

"So when the army of the Kaiser went down to attack the French in the battle of Ypres, they didn't expect such harsh resistance. The Russian front had been going great for the Germans, even though that was the front they expected to lose on. The Germans were surprised to have been stopped on the side that they poured almost all of their soldiers in to. The Germans resorted to a brutal technology, clowns. They unleashed this devastating material with an awesome effect. Anyone who dared get in the way of the clowns was brutally massacred, and battalions lost up to 90 of what they started with. This technology of the Germans was eventually suppressed by an even more brutal system of war from the British, modern art. The modern art that was unleashed upon these poor unsuspecting Germans repelled the attack that had been going so smoothly towards Paris. So much modern art was put in Paris, that the Germans that got too close actually killed themselves. The modern art movement in France is what eventually lead to them going crazy and sucking in all wars after WWI, but at least they defeated the Germans this time. While all of this crap was going on, Russia quit the war. They decided that the modern technologies that the western powers kept coming up with were too freaky. They gave Germany lots of land in order to stop Germans from unleashing these same, devastating clowns upon them. Then, when America entered the war, they brought with them their own secret weapon, hick-speak. This hick-speak managed to kill Germans by the thousands. Germany knew that their clown technology had been beaten. So they gave up before the Western powers could completely destroy their country. Sadly, damage had already been done, so Germany was forced to live as a clown infested modern art hick-speaking nation for years to come."

(-e END BORING ALERT e-)

After this long and boring speech, Mr. Wire Frame slapped his head into the desk, making a sickening crackle noise and waking the students up.

"Ok then, next time you will be tested on World War 0.578586" he said before falling over, knocked out cold.

As the chaos of no teacher erupted into the classroom, Pikachu and Jigglypuff could be seen screaming at each other.

"PIKA PIKA PI!"

"JIGGY JIG JIG JIGGLY!"

"Pi?"

"Jig?"

The Links and Zelda and Sheik were talking.

"So, which one of you is the princess?" Link said.

"I am" said Zelda. "I'm the girl."

"Wait… YOU'RE A GUY?" Link said pointing at Sheik.

"I don't know what happened, but I suddenly turned in to a guy" Sheik said.

"Why is there so much blood where your dick should be?" Link asked.

"And why do you have a girly voice?" Link asked.

"I… well… JUST SHUT UP! I'M GOING TO SEE A DOCTOR ABOUT THIS PROBLEM! IT BURNS!" Sheik said, crying in disgust.

"Well, all I know, is that we are officially not allowed to hang out with you anymore, Sheik, so get out before we kill you!" Links said, Sheik ran away crying, why couldn't people be more understanding of her plight. Just then she ran into a wall and fell over, dead.

The bell rang, and they went to their sixth period.

"Hello class, welcome to Computer Technology! That's what Comp Tech stands for, for you morons out there." A man standing in a black trench coat, black shirt, black pants, black underwear (the pants were very transparent, so they could tell), a black beanie, black socks, black shoes, black hair, black fingernail polish, black teeth, black splotches all over his face, and a black heart said.

"Why are you wearing all black? Are you a Goth?" Ness asked in confusion.

"NO! JUST BECAUSE I WEAR ALL BLACK DOESN'T MEAN I'M A GOTH!" The man said, laying in the fetal position after such horrid charges.

"I was just asking…" Ness started.

"SHUT UP! YOU DON'T KNOW! I JUST LIKE BLACK! I'M WAY UN-GOTHIC! I LIKE STUFF TOO! LIKE… LIKE EATING BABIES!" The man said in a polite manner.

"Dude, you eat babies? DUDE! WHAT IN THE HOLY GRANOLA BEANS IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Ness screamed.

"SHUT UP!" The man said crying and slitting his wrists in a very sexy way. He then suddenly stopped and got back to what his was doing.

"Ok… my name is Joeb the great, and I'm here to teach you all about the wonders of technology, and why we will all become slaves to them by 2054!" Joeb said. "I will now put on a movie to show you why computers are better than us!"

As Joeb turned on the TV, a picture of an obviously gothic girl, cutting herself whilst chanting some freaky voodoo popped up.

"oh… heh… wrong… umm… wrong movie!" Joeb said and put a different movie in.

"Are you sure you aren't a goth?" Ness asked.

"SHUT UP!" Joeb screamed, and then proceeded to impale himself with the movie he had just taken out of the TV. Sparks shot everywhere, one of which lit Sheik on fire. Everyone watched in awe as Sheik's already dead body melted away.

Then they sat there for the rest of the period, they had no teacher, so they had nothing to do. Since there were computers in front of them, and no supervision. The students created, mass marketed, and shoved down the throats of every child in America some porn. Just kidding, they actually DID start to try, but were immediately smitten by the fact that this story is only rated T, so they stopped.

Then… the bell rang!

* * *

YAY! 

don't ask why sparks shot out of me when I impaled myself… and don't ask how I'm writing now that I impaled myself…

You see, I hate people who put themselves into their own stories, but I made up for that when I killed my own self-insert.

And yes, that bell ringing was supposed to be a cliff hanger, so now you have to say stuff like

"NOOO!O!O!O!O!O!O!O!O!O#O$OOFVOSD! I DON'T WANNA WAITEED!"

Oh yeah… and don't forget to put this story on your favorites list… just because it's getting lonely… my story wants friends… will you be it's friend?

I think I got a 3.95 or something like that this term… but whatever…

I just got a PS2... And I can't believe it… there are GOOD games… one problem though… there aren't very many good games…

don't you think this is romantic?

R&R! Read and Rubbish!


	4. A horrific attempt at romace2

**Smashville High School!**

**  
Chapter 4: A horrific attempt at romance… Pt. 2!**

Disclaimer: I don't own what you own

Reviews: AYAYE!

Gold stars:

If you reviewed: 69

If you liked it: 666

If you can detect my sarcasm: -36 (for being immature and mean and not understand certain peoples feelings!)

Remember the schedule: (and also remember… it's A/B schedule… so they go to half of the classes each day)

_1 period Geometry  
__2 period Biology  
__3 period English  
__4 period Gym  
__5 period World Civ.  
__6 period Comp. Tech.  
__7 period AP Commercial Art 2 honors  
__8 Teacher's Assistant_

Ok then… this has almost NO relation to MY school… like… yeah…

ICP MOTHER … yeah… ICP is cool… seriously… they are my attitude towards you and your bigot ways

* * *

As the students clamored down the hallway, or at least tried seeing as how there were so few of them, one could see the Link-o-Matic Nanation Twins (LMNT)… we still don't know why this is their new nickname… and Zelda talking and/or/is/else/if/or/fable flirting with them. 

"Soooooo… Ummm… Yeah… Heeehehheeee… Ummm…" Zelda said with much confidence.

"N/A" the Link-o-Matic Nanation Twins said in reply.

"Wanna go on a date!" Zelda asked with a cute/sexy/ugly/farting smile.

"NO!" The Link-o-Matic Nanation Twins responded in horrific pleasure.

"That sucks, cause we're going anyway!" Zelda said with an anime/cute/ugly/bored/anti-slash grin.

"Actually we aren't…" the Link-o-Matic Nanation Twins responded.

"oh… YOU RUINED MY MOMENT!" Zelda cried before attempting to blow her nose and failing miserably. This resulted in Ness getting sprayed by a barrage of ew.

"WTF!" Ness attempted to pronounce, failing miserably. He said this as they were walking into their class about five seconds late in order to look cool.

"Boy, you sure are all failures" The art teacher with a masters degree in fine art and years of experience painting for many fine museums, all of which displayed his piece as their best, said.

He was promptly fired for making the student body feel bad about themselves.

He was replaced by a man they found on the street drinking a bottle of… something… he was perfect for their politically correct class.

"Now y'all need to draw me nude… go!" the freak said as he promptly stripped all of his clothes and fell over, drunk… or dead… we don't know what… he may even just be silently waiting for a kid to go check for his pulse so he can molest something…

Everyone drew and/ore tried to draw what was in front of them… about half of a sixth of the square root of the tangent of the cosine of angle x if the first side is 13 and the second side is the amount of people in the classroom divided by a pint of a dollar did well.

"DUDE! I DID WELL!" Captain Falcon said holding up his perfect art. This proved just how pathetic he was.

Kirby then tried to eat what Captain Falcon was holding up. He failed miserably and instead ate his own color, with this lack of color he was considered to be a goth… so everyone loved him and overcompensated for problems that he didn't even have… that is, until he grew old and chocked on a toothbrush whilst feeding his chickens other chickens. He then died a miserable and unloved death, just as he had always wanted. This all took place in the space of 0.725528415136835 seconds.

Then… the bell… DIDN'T RING!

So they all decided since it was only twenty minutes until their next period, that they may as well put everything up and get ready to get ready to start heading towards the door.

"I think you're hot" Peach said to Mario whilst NOT doing anything in anyway inappropriate for this story.

Mario blushed, this was due to a farting disorder… which had just decided to show itself by jumping in front of the class and doing a dance.

"You're such a slut!" Samus said whilst holding up a poster that read _Sluts are bad! Normal women don't like that kind of behavior and think sluts are bad for society! I also hate all stereotypes that involve women and sluts! I should stop ranting now as this is a sign and can only hold a certain amount of space! I probably shouldn't have put that last part, or this one for that matter… AH!_

"DON'T JUDGE ME! I'm just a picked on girl that lives in a mansion and has the time to fix myself to look like a slut. I'VE GOT SUCH A BAD LIFE! WHY DO YOU ALL HAVE TO BE SO EVIL!" Peach said.

"Oh, I'm sorry to have judged you as a typical stereotype, it's just that those who have it good sometimes give a bad name for us women who actually work for what little we get…" Samus said.

"Yeah" Peach said whilst checking her bank account for the money her ex-ex-secret-boyfriend was giving her so she could stop whining around his house.

"JIG!" Jigglypuff said.

"PIKA!" Pikachu said.

"Jigglypuff Jig Jiggly Jig Puff Puff?" Jigglypuff said.

"Pika Pika Pika Pika!" Pikachu said.

Those two talked for a while, although nobody knows what about, not even them.

"So, how's life in a castle." the Link-o-Matic Nanation Twins stated, no they didn't ask that.

"I feel so unloved, no one ever does anything for me… it's all so oppressive" Zelda said. Had she not been a female royal figure, the Link-o-Matic Nanation Twins would have already been gone to hit on some other chick… those dogs!

"I think you guys are oppressive male stereotypical stereotypers!" Samus started. "AND ALL MEN ARE SEXIST!"

With this, the bell rang, and everyone had already left about five minutes early.

As everyone once again failed at an attempt to clamor down the hall in a busy fashion, Peach whispered something T rated in Mario's ear. He blushed because of that farting problems dance again.

As they all entered their Teacher's Assistant class five seconds late, Master Hand sat there with a look in his eye and a stench in his foot, there was even a bloodstain on his left hip if you didn't bother to look.

"Wow… I don't have any body parts…" Master Hand said, suddenly realizing that he was just a hand and couldn't see.

"AHH! I'M BLIND! SOMEONE HELP ME!" Master Hand screamed whilst tearing up the room.

All the kids immediately didn't care and talked to each other and ignored whatever was happening. Everyone except Ness and Mewtwo.

"AHH!" Master Hand said.

Then Ness and Mewtwo calmed him down using clam chowder.

"Ahh…" Master Hand sighed.

Everyone got an A for being there, everyone except Ness and Mewtwo, who both got Bs.

"WTF Y?" Ness tried to say but failed miserably.

"What the Fraudster! Why did you do that!" Mewtwo said with more success.

"Cause you did a bad job cooking the clams" Master Hand said.

"BUT THEY DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING!" Ness whined.

"That'll be a U on your grade young, supple, innocent boy." Master Hand said in a way that isn't suspicious.

"I get that a lot" Ness replied.

Then the bell rang.

So everyone left for home.

Pikachu and Jigglypuff were trying to hold hands, but this was very had due to their small arms… as they struggled through the hallway towards the bus, Jigglypuff was immediately stepped on and thus popped.

"PIKA!" Pikachu said holding in his anger.

"Jig" said the spirit of Jigglypuff which was immediately sucked up into a vacuum cleaner and then died and stuff.

"PIKA!" Pikachu said in pain or something, this looked very cute as he couldn't do anything that DIDN'T make him look cute.

* * *

YAY!

Next time… the grand finale of all this romantic stuff… I'll make fun of something else!

Just so you know… there will be a Pt. 3... I never divide parts over school days… as this is the average long-term memory of a teenager.

Life pwns… it sucks at the same time… yet something pwns about suxination…

Guess what… there's a group at my school that thinks fan fiction sucks… DID YOU HERE THAT!

I CAN FINALLY LIKE FAN FICTION WITH THE SECURITY THAT IT ISN'T TRENDY TO DO SO!

Yeah… I say this doesn't come from my experiences at school… well some of that's true…

A lot of this comes from how stupid I think all school groups are… this includes:

Artists  
Anti-Everything  
Conformity with Non-Conformism (related to Anti-everything)  
Civilized people (related to artists)  
Stereotype people as bigots, (related to Anti-everything)  
Mature people (related to Civilized people)  
Actual bigotry (related to Anti-everything)

Yeah… ok so it sounds like I'm being the hate-monger by making groups… well of course there are groups in school you moron… Just not the typical Goth/Punk/Prep/Poser/EMO thing…

I wont be discriminate towards you because I feel you are a sophisticated wannabe that never had a life and thus hates everything… you've already discriminated against something already to fill that category…

So seeing as how I fit in the pathetic people category… I can honestly say that I've seen people have bitter group opposition and then minutes later stand up in class and talk about how they're proud that they go to a school where everyone can be anyone's friend and there are no groups… and then start talking about Mexicans…

Oops… sorry… logic isn't something we want here is it… (actually it isn't so I'll shut up)

YAY AGAIN!

I had fun with this story, you may think it's a typo… but it isn't… I purposely put in the creepy stuff in there…

R&RD!… Read and Robertson Disorder!


	5. A horrific attempt at romace3

**Smashville High School!**

**Chapter 4: A horrific attempt at romance… Pt. 3!**

Disclaimer: I don't own what you own

Reviews: AYAYE!

Gold stars:

If you reviewed: 777777777777777777 minus 777777777777777776

If you liked it: 68 minus the age of your grandmother

If you can detect my sarcasm: 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001

Remember the schedule: (and also remember… it's A/B schedule… so they go to half of the classes each day)

_1 period Geometry  
__2 period Biology  
__3 period English  
__4 period Gym  
__5 period World Civ.  
__6 period Comp. Tech.  
__7 period AP Commercial Art 2 honors  
__8 Teacher's Assistant_

Ok… this basically takes place after school, but at school… but… slightly… yeah… whatever

ICP is awesome…

* * *

Pikachu just sat there trying to look sad. He had finally found someone who he thought might have accepted him, if he had only know what she said. And now, all that hope was lost.

"What was that?" Zelda asked holding the hands of the Link-o-Matic Nanation Twins. She looked down to find pink goo all over her foot.

"EWW!" Zelda screamed in horror, pointing to the spot near Pikachu where pink goo had gotten everywhere.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?" The Link-o-Matic Nanation Twins screamed looking at Pikachu with that look of 'I was gonna get lucky with this idiot but now she's probably going to cry and then I'll go through tons of chapters trying to make her feel better and so my whole life is ruined!'

"Pika?" Pikachu screamed with the look of 'I didn't do anything and I should be getting revenge on you because you're the one who killed my friend and I was the one who would have gotten lucky if I had spoken the same language as her and she's dead for EVERY chapter unless the author is an idiot and makes a really pathetic plot twist which is unlikely because this is a cool author and so you ruined my life… really!' on his face.

Sadly, neither of the two knew how to interpret facial expressions well enough to know what each others faces meant. They thought the other one was laughing at them with a sick and sadistic sense of humor.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" the Link-o-Matic Twins yelled in anger and jumped at Pikachu with their swords drawn. Captain Falcon drew the swords even, and he's proven himself to be good at drawing.

Then the Link-o-Matic Nanation Twins slapped into Pikachu and they all rolled to the ground in pain.

"OW!" The Link-o-Matic Nanation Twins yelled as they realized that they should have actually pulled their swords out of their sheaths instead of just having Captain Falcon draw their swords for them.

Pikachu and the Link-o-Matic Nanation Twins were now fighting, a ring of students surrounded them chanting "Fight!" over and over again. Pikachu would have his revenge on those who killed his… whatever Jigglypuff was.

Zelda was crying and ranting about how hard it would be to clean the pink goo off of her dress. Peach and Mario were busy being T rated. Samus was yelling about how sexist it was that the MEN were defending their girlfriends, and how the girls should be doing stuff too. Everyone else moved in a huge mob constantly yelling "Fight!" and throwing their fists in the air, only to have bloody stumps left for hands as they screamed bloody murder in their attempt to find their fists again.

Pikachu killed one of the Links.

The other Link killed Pikachu. He used a sword, I think.

The Link-o-Matic Nanation Twin was tired because he had been in a fight. Zelda ran up and slapped him. He looked at her with sadness. She cried. Then they broke up. They were still friends though.

"WTF just happened?" Ness tried to pronounce, but failed miserably.

"Who knows…" Mewtwo said, having tried to read Ness's mind, but failing miserably.

"This proves that all men are failures!" Samus yelled triumphantly, then marched off to do whatever feminist people do.

Mario and Peach came back after their T rated experience. They looked at each other. Then they looked away. Then they fell asleep for half of a third of a second. Then their mothers said something about the devil and whores and whatnot, but it was still T rated.

"WTF just happened?" Ness successfully pronounced for once.

"I think they just twitched, then their mom's came up and yelled at them" Mewtwo said with a voice that suggested vocal chords were responsible. With this, all the students went home.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Master Hand laughed as he thought about how he could think despite his lack of a brain.

"BLOOOOOAELDE!" Crazy Hand said in his crazy way.

"yeah…" all the other teachers said in perfect unison.

(on the bus to home)

Link sat there in silence. He thought about all that had happened today. How he had fallen in love, and how he had then lost that because of a rat and a bunch of pink goo. Life was so cruel.

Zelda sat deep in thought too. She was only a rich princess with a whole kingdom at her command. Life had been so oppressive towards her. She wished there was someone in the royalty that would understand why she hated it so. She had hoped Link would understand. But he was a homeless guy from the forest. She wished she was homeless and from the forest and free to never have to take showers and underrated and never talked about too.

Samus talked a lot, but everyone ignored her.

Mario and Peach had a T rated discussion about T rated subjects. Their mothers would never understand just how T rated this relationship was. Then they broke up, but were still best friends.

"WTF is going on?" Ness tried to pronounce but failed miserably.

"Lolzarz" Mewtwo tried to reply but failed miserably.

Then the bus driver had a heart attack and died, yet the bus was going perfectly fine.

"I think the author is trying to just add words so that this will reach his minimum of 1000 words" Ness said.

"Lolzarz" Mewtwo tried to reply but failed miserably.

Then Yoshi died, and his guts fell out, and it was really bloody, and everyone cheered because of the horridness of Yoshi's death. Then Yoshi was eaten by mice. Yoshi died.

* * *

YAY!

I thought it was romantic… screw you…

don't you just think I'm the best at fight scenes!

Actually, the funny part is. There are stories that attempt to be serious action/adventure and yet they treat the fights the same way I did. "then they fought and Ness won"… yeah… learn to write either good, or parody.

So… now that that drama is over… what's next? You'll see… or you wont… cause you might be blind. And I don't want to offend anyone…

R&BBC… Read and Bite Big Couches…


	6. A horrific experience

**Smashville High School!**

**Chapter 6: A horrific experience!**

Disclaimer: I don't own jack… he died

Reviews: ERFLEWAFFLE!

Gold stars:

If you reviewed: 12

If you liked it: 9

If you can detect my sarcasm: 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097494

Remember the schedule: (and also remember… it's A/B schedule… so they go to half of the classes each day)

_1 period Geometry  
__2 period Biology  
__3 period English  
__4 period Gym  
__5 period World Civ.  
__6 period Comp. Tech.  
__7 period AP Commercial Art 2 honors  
__8 Teacher's Assistant_

Yeah…

I was offended by this… please send me your vomit in the mail attached with a note of why the hell you just vomited and then sent it to me

I'm not allowed to like the music I like as that makes me a poser somehow!

* * *

Everyone was once again failing to clamor down the hallway towards their first period. Peach had gone away from the crowd to fulfill her T rated desires. Suddenly, as she sat there doing her T rated things, a shady figure came up and crushed her under 258 tons of weight. Then the figure slapped her head off and jumped up and down over and over on her body. Then the figure fell asleep. Then the figure went to go buy some scones. Then the figure left. Peach died. 

When everyone went to their first period Geometry class. Peach wasn't there. So as they recited each others names in order to pass the class, Mario noticed and started screaming his head off. His head then fell off. Then he exploded. Mario was still alive and participating in class activities though.

"MARIO! PUT YOUR HEAD BACK ON!" Crazy Hand yelled to Mario. "You might get a yeast infection!"

Mario went to put his head back on, but the yeast infection got to him and he fell over. Mario was still alive and participating in class activities though.

"WTF!" Ness tried to pronounce but failed miserably. Ness is just a failure like that though, so we shouldn't be surprised. We aren't surprised really, when you look at just how many times he's failed so far this story.

"Mario! Put that yeast infection away before you scare the other students!" Crazy Hand yelled at Mario.

So Mario put the yeast infection away, put his head back on, and stopped screaming (which he had been doing this whole time).

"OK! As I was saying! Who sits on the third desk back from the seventh desk belonging to a kid with hemorrhoids!" Crazy Hand said.

Mario started calculating, when he realized that only six kids had hemorrhoids he started to cry. These tears were ancient and powerful tears with the ability to save mankind from the corruption that it faces today. Mario's tear ducts broke and he started flooding the room.

"MARIO! STOP DISRUPTING THE CLASS!" Crazy Hand yelled and ripped off his hand and threw it at Mario. This was all of Crazy Hand's body though, and so Mario was crushed under Crazy Hand's insane weight. Mario was still alive and participating in class activities though.

"ZOMG!" Ness tried to pronounce but failed in a not-so-miserable way.

So then the bell to end first period came and they all left for second period Biology. Mario was on his own away from the crowd when a shady figure came up from behind and crushed him with a weight of 258 tons. Then slapped his head off. Then jumped up and down on the body. Mario was still alive and participating in class activities though.

The shady figure got scared and ran away before he could be identified for who he was.

As Mario waked into class ten seconds late instead of the usual four or five everyone stared at him with shock.

"Guys! Someone tried to kill me! And I think they killed Peach too!" Mario tried to pronounce but failed miserably.

"THAT'S MY LINE!" Ness tried to pronounce but failed miserably.

"Prove it, Mario!" Bowser yelled with a yell that suggested yelling.

"Here's Peach's dead body!" Mario said throwing Peach's body down to show the class.

"That's not enough proof!" Bowser yelled and brought out his team of lawyers. Mario then brought out his lawyers and Ms. Wire Frame was the judge as all the other Smashers were on jury duty.

"I declare this court in session!" Ms. Wire Frame said and slapped her gavel into a random piece of wood. Sadly this wasn't actually wood, and was instead Ness's forehead. Ness tried to scream in pain but failed sexily.

"ZOMG!" Mewtwo pronounced properly.

"ORDER IN THE WHATEVER THIS IS BECAUSE I FORGOT!" Ms. Wire Frame said and slapped Ness with the gavel again.

So in a series of debates Bowser's lawyers showed how Peach's dead body wasn't enough evidence to prove Peach's death. The jury agreed and they then decided that scones were a lovely form of breakfast.

After second period ended and the class had eaten their scones. Everyone went to third period English, getting there five seconds late.

"Hi class! Today we will write poetry!" Sonic said whilst reading all of Shakespeare's poems thirty times each.

"How do you read that fast?" Ness asked.

"I USE SLAVE LABOR!" Sonic said and then showed how he manipulated Tails, Amy, and Shadow into making him read fast.

"OK WHATEVER! LET'S WRITE POETRY!" Sonic said with glee and started dancing.

For the next hour everyone thought about what could possibly rhyme with 'poo' or 'dog' or 'yes' or 'glad' or 'blargenrofl'

"I can't believe it… someone's trying to kill me… and they killed Peach… and who knows when all this death will finally be over!" Mario tried to think but failed miserably and so said it out loud instead.

"YES MARIO! THAT WAS A WONDERFUL POEM! HOW TOUCHING!" Sonic said whilst crying.

"But… that didn't even rhyme!" Ness screamed in anger.

"Now now, Ness, you need to learn something about poetry. The best poetry comes from the fingertips, not the heart." Sonic said.

"ZOMGLIEZORZ!" Ness yelled in anger.

"That'll be a U for you young man!" Sonic yelled.

"Didn't you already give me one!" Ness replied.

"I have no clue!" Sonic yelled.

"Why don't you get a clue then!" Ness replied.

"I have no clue!" Sonic yelled.

So after this interruption everyone tried to write poetry. C. Falcon wrote an amazing poem that was so wonderful and great and amazing and cool. This once again proved how pathetic he is.

The bell rang and everyone started going to their fourth period Gym class. Mario was talking with Luigi. Probably about how Mario had thrown Luigi's face out the window the first day of school. Mario was giggling again. The giggling went into a full time seizure again. And Mario finally died.

"NOOOOOOOO?" Luigi asked in horror.

"Yes" said the shady figure.

"Oh OK!" Luigi said and left with happiness on his ear.

Everyone made it to Gym, but Luigi was ten seconds late.

"GUYS! MARIO'S DEAD! I THINK I SAW THE SHADY FIGURE THAT'S BEEN KILLING PEOPLE!" Luigi said with horror. Bowser brought out his lawyers again with Giga Bowser as the judge and the other Smashers as the jury, but this time Luigi's lawyers were too good and proved Peach's death, Mario's death, and the existence of God.

"WHO DID IT!" Master Hand yelled as he had been spying on the children, mainly Ness, this whole time.

"Was it Ness? After all the murderer has been doing a pretty pathetic job. Was it Bowser? He has been opposing any and all deaths this whole time. Was it Luigi? He had a reason to kill Mario. Was it Popo? We've heard nothing about this guy since the first chapter." Master Hand said in a way.

"HEY! I'm not the only one who's done absolutely nothing since chapter one!" Popo yelled pointing at Gannondorf, Dr. Mario, DK, Falco, Fox, Roy, and Marth.

"Yeah but it's just fun to accuse you of stuff." Master Hand said as everyone nodded in agreement, even Popo.

"I ADMIT TO DOING IT!" DK said as all of you authors that have been paying attention (none) nodded saying that they knew it.

So everyone hung DK for speaking English while he was only an ape. Then they got to the murder trial.

"WHO DID IT!" Master Hand yelled again in a happy way.

After spending the whole time arguing over it they decided that they really didn't care about either Peach or Mario and went home.

* * *

YAY! 

I know you all hate me… but I honestly like this chapter… and this story…

Oh well…

I'd say some dumb comment right here but I'm sick of everyone… including anyone that agrees with the crap I put down here… and myself…

R&POOP!… Read and Poop Out Orange Popsicles!


	7. New students1

**Smashville High School!**

**Chapter 7: New students! (pt. 1)**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything with an SSB in front of it… or Nintendo… or anything like that…

Reviews: THEY STOLE MY SEXY REVIEW PAGE THINGAMABOB!

Gold stars:

If you reviewed: 4

If you liked it: 5

If you want me to die: 88

If you know the secret to life: 200 trazillion billion quadrillion… illion… gold stars for the answer…

umm… I got like… seven letters in the mail filled with vomit… umm… that's creepy… how do you people know where I live? AM I GOING TO DIE?

In all seriousnesslesstousgess… I have had so much school recently… that coupled with the fact that my friends expect ME of all people to get a life makes fanfiction really hard…

And I think I'm going to get a B+ in art… NOOOOO!

Remember the schedule: (and also remember… it's A/B schedule… so they go to half of the classes each day)

_1 period Geometry  
2 period Biology  
3 period English  
4 period Gym  
5 period World Civ.  
6 period Comp. Tech.  
7 period AP Commercial Art 2 honors  
8 Teacher's Assistant_

REEL BIG FISH PWNS! GO BUY ONE OF THEIR CD'S RIGHT NOW YOU N00BZ!

* * *

Popo walked along the hall, he still hadn't cleaned off that bloodstain that Nana had left on his parka back in the first chapter. No one ever talked to him so he never really even noticed. The bell rang, but this was just some random bell that had no importance whatsoever. Then another bell rang. This bell was unimportant too. Everyone got confused and started pulling each other's hair out. 

"HA! I don't even have hair!" Captain Falcon said bragging to all of his friends, dead rock-stars from the 1730s.

"Were there even any rock-stars around in the 1730s?" Ness asked intuitively.

"If you hadn't have asked intuitively then I would have told you the answer to that question!" Captain Falcon said in a lecturing tone that smelt of poo.

"EWW!" Ness said running away to tell all of his friends, the 32 voices in his head (well what do _you_ think is in that huge head of his?).

After all these weird events, Popo went to his World Civ. Class on time. The teacher was so amazed/surprised by this that he gave Popo an 'S' instead of the regular 'UN'. Popo then jumped into the air with joy and fell over, breaking several bones. Not _his_ bones, but they were still bones. Some random little animal was going to feel that later on.

The important bell rang and everyone came to class exactly 5 seconds late. Then Mr. Wire Frame handed out a test about World War 0.578586, put on a T rated outfit, and went in to the closet.

"How T rated of him," Ness said.

"YOU FAILED THE TEST!" Mr. Wire Frame yelled jumping out of the closet and pointing at Ness.

"What did I do?" Ness asked in confusion.

"YOU ARE JUST THAT PATHETIC!" The teacher said and took Ness's test away, and then he went back into the closet.

Everyone then started on the test. It read:

_**What is 2 plus the square root of your sister? **_

_**Why did Germany decide to fart on the Irish? **_

_**When did Britain care about France and Why? **_

_**What was Nepal doing at the time? **_

_**What the crap is Nepal anyway? **_

_**Who cares about Nepal? **_

_**When did America invent Hick-Speak? **_

_**Why did America join the war? **_

_**Why is it 0.578586 and not 0.578587? **_

_**Who stole my tampons? **_

_**Does anyone have any photos of girl students in the bathroom? **_

_**Can I see them? **_

_**Is this M rated or T rated? **_

_**What is the political stance of clowns? **_

_**Who cares about Europe anyway? **_

That was it. Everyone finished and Mr. Wire Frame took the tests. Everyone missed every question, except Mewtwo, that nerd. Then Mr. Wire Frame began his lecture.

"So in WW 0.7 stuff happened and people died. Your homework will be to read in the book chapters 12 through 56. This will be due next time. You also have to type a ninety-nine pound essay in paper, that's ninety-nine POUNDS, not pages. This is due next time too. And while we're at it you have to answer every possible question you can find in the book. And please remember to use the bathroom, especially you girls." Mr. Wire Frame said in a boring tone as all the kids except Ness and Mewtwo fell asleep.

The bell rang, but no one heard the bell ring because Mr. Wire Frame blocked it with a sickening crackling noise that was caused when he slapped his head into the corner of his desk and then fell to the ground unconscious.

"Umm… should we leave?" Ness asked.

"NERD!" Roy yelled pointing at Ness. Everyone then joined in the fun of poking at Ness with various blunt objects. Ness cried.

They all left class in their attempt to be rebellious. The problem was that class was already out, so in their attempt at rebellion they followed the rules.

The bell rang and they went to class. Woo…

As they walked into their Comp Tech class they noticed that something was wrong. Something just didn't smell right. It smelled like various baby lotions/oils/body parts had been rubbed on a sandwich and was now being eaten.

"Umm… what kind of sick crap is this?" Ness asked in horror.

The teacher poked his head up from under the desk. When he realized he had been spotted he pulled out a shotgun and blew Marth's face off. Marth was feeling fine; after all, it was just his face that had been blown off.

"NOOOOO! Marth! Can you hear me man?" Roy asked in a dramatic way that made everyone start to cry.

Marth tried to talk to Roy about how he was feeling fine. Marth tried to ask Roy how this would affect his chance with the ladies. Marth tried to say this, but without a face he couldn't.

As everyone watched Marth with sadness, a new figure appeared out of nowhere. His name was Pit. Everyone knew this person by name thanks to the amazing powers of gossip. Thanks to gossip they also knew that he had seventy-four nipples and a hernia. Despite this fact, everyone still loved Pit.

"WE LOVE YOU PIT!" Everyone screamed and started running towards Pit screaming like fangirls. Roy dropped Marth and ran towards Pit, sadly Marth's skull was fractured because of this and he died at the ripe old age of 16.

"How ripe and old" said the teacher that no one seemed to even care about.

So Pit was accepted into the mainstream of Smashville High School. Then suddenly everyone heard a fart as Wario walked into the room.

Peach's dead corpse fell in love with Wario and they had several children. All of this happened in about four seconds. The children were then adopted by a traveling circus until they ran out of food and used the babies as a secondary food supply. Wario was so proud of his children's accomplishments.

So Wario was accepted into some secondary stream of Smashville High School.

As everyone sat down and prepared to actually do something with computers a noise was heard. It was just someone being brutally beaten in the face with a hatchet though, so no one worried. Just then Meta Knight walked in dramatically.

"Kirby?" Meta Knight said looking around for his adversary. "Hey… HE'S DEAD! YAYZORZ!" Meta Knight screamed as he had finally gotten revenge… kind of… he then decided to become a normal person. He was completely dedicated to being normal. He wanted normality in his life. So he tried normalness and normality. Normally this would be strange, so he immediately stopped trying. So now he was trying to be normal without trying because that's not normal. He felt like everything made sense.

So Meta Knight was accepted into wherever normal people are accepted.

As people prepared to do their work another noise was heard. Zero Suit Samus stood at the door with a grin. She stopped grinning. Then her face twitched a little. She had shifty eyes as her nose did a belly dance. She began to grin again… wait… OH she's not grinning at all, that's a look of disgust. Now she's rolling her eyes just a little bit. She's starting to look relaxed. It seems there's a bit of nervousness showing through though. There she goes, flashing a cheesy, nervous grin. And her eyes seem to be blank, looking at nothing in particular. This all as she looked with a smile of accretion… whatever that is…

Samus walked up to the twitching Zero Suit Samus (who we will call "Fluffy" from now on to make life easier).

"YOU ARE A SLUT BECAUSE WE CAN TELL THAT YOU HAVE BOOBS!" Samus yelled.

"THIS IS A T RATED STORY NOOB!" Fluffy replied.

"I THINK YOU SHOULD BE MORE MASCULINE!" Samus screamed.

"I'M A GIRL NOOB!" Fluffy responded.

"WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO DO HOUSEWORK YOU STEREOTYPICAL WOMAN?" Samus bellowed.

"I WANT AN EDUCATION!" Fluffy… umm… said in response…

"I LIKE YELLING AT YOU!" Samus hollered.

"I CAN'T COME UP WITH ANY MORE SYNONYMS FOR REPLY TO USE!" Fluffy said with a synonym to reply.

So Fluffy was accepted into the hated peoples club (which meets once every Tuesday).

Just as they were about to do some ACTUAL work they all ended up being interrupted by screams. Snake ran into the room with a bomb strapped to his chest, he pulled a string. There was a pause. Then…

(In some random news station)

"Hello, I'm some random news anchor, breaking news today as a suicide bombing took place in a local high school. One person was injured, but no one was killed. Back to your locally scheduled stuff." Said the random news anchor.

(Back to the school)

Snake lay on the floor with smoke rising from his body as everyone pointed and laughed. Then Snake died of unrelated causes.

"YAYZERZIEZ!" Said the still mysterious teacher.

* * *

YAY! 

This was fun… it brought be out of my state of feeling like shit. So sorry if there's a section in there that sounds like I wasn't really trying…

I like this overall though… and if you don't I just might sneak into your house soon and vomit all over in your cereal bowl…

My friends and me found an awesome 80s (although I hate the 80s and it's overrated…ness… this is truly awesome) video camera recorder thing… it's HUGE! And it's worse at making movies than a cell phone.

The point I'm trying to make is that we have been running around making crappy yet funny movies… yesterday we invaded Wal-Mart until they swarmed us and forced us to turn the camera off…

Yeah… that's fun stuff…

Wow…

Actually… I'm suddenly really happy… now if they'd just start putting something good on newgrounds again life would be perfect… oh well…

R&ECKBRZ… read and Eat Crappy Koala Bears Really Zoon!

(zoon is a real word… I don't know what it means though as I have no thesaurus anymore)


	8. New students2

**Smashville High School!**

**Chapter 8: New students! (pt. 2)**

Disclaimer: I don't own SSBB… or SSBM… or SSB… or SS… or S… I don't own… and I don't…

Reviews: thanx for reviewing I'll send you a reply thing…

Gold stars:

If you reviewed: 55

If you liked it: 71

If you know who stole the cookies from the cookie jar: 100

If you are still in school: 255 because I know what it's like to have summer school…

Remember the schedule: (and also remember… it's A/B schedule… so they go to half of the classes each day)

_1 period Geometry  
2 period Biology  
3 period English  
4 period Gym  
5 period World Civ.  
6 period Comp. Tech.  
7 period AP Commercial Art 2 honors  
8 Teacher's Assistant_

I GOT A 4.0! I GOT AN A IN ART! I LOVE LIFE!

But I still hate life because the obsessive haters destroyed everything I loved on Newgrounds…

MICHAEL JACKSON!

* * *

"Whatever that was all about…" the still unknown new computer technologies teacher said in a way that was happy and fun and stuff. 

"What are we learning about this time?" Ness asked.

"Don't you want to know what my name is first?" the teacher asked, holding back tears.

"No, not really" the entire class replied, causing the teacher to cry.

With this the cops came and arrested Gannondorf for having killed his mom in the first chapter.

"HEY! STOP! THIS IS UNRELATED!" Gannondorf screamed as the cops carried him off.

So everyone had some scones and went back to their class.

"Since none of you care about my name, lets learn about email now! Email is very useful. You can use email to talk to people online. Email stands for electronic mail. You will be quizzed now!" The teacher said and gave out big email packets. They said:

_What is the teacher's email address?_

_What is the teacher's name?_

_Can email ever be used to send viruses?_

_How do you send viruses using email?_

_On a scale from 1 to 10 how useful is email?_

_What is email usually used for?_

_What does email stand for?_

_Why does email stand for what it stands for?_

_Who invented the idea of email?_

_Why is Gannondorf probably in jail right now?_

_Who would be willing to break Gannondorf out of jail?_

_Can I have $50?_

So everyone took the test and failed miserably, except for Mewtwo and Ness, who got every question right somehow. The teachers name turned out being 'Who Cares'

"OK! You all said you would be willing to break Gannondorf out of jail! So we're going to go on a field trip! You will be excused from your seventh and eighth periods for this!" Who yelled as everyone cheered.

"YAY!" Luigi said with excitement.

"Shut up!" Wario yelled ripping Luigi's hat off and painting it brown.

"Why'd you do that?" Luigi asked with excitement.

"Cause I felt like it!" Wario said feeling like the valley girl that he was.

"Why do you suddenly look like a valley girl?" Luigi asked with excitement.

"Shut up!" Wario yelled and broke Luigi's nose. Luigi had to go to the local barbershop to get this fixed. The barber was confused at why Luigi would come to him about a nose problem and ended up impaling himself with his scissors. Luigi was found guilty of murder and sent to jail, where he shared a cell with Gannondorf.

"I found Gannondorf!" Luigi said.

"Good job Luigi!" Who said giving a thumbs up, as he was right outside of the cell holding Luigi and Gannondorf. The guards hadn't noticed him for some odd reason.

"It's time to blow this joint!" C. Falcon screamed and punched the wall. A sickening crackling noise could be heard as C. Falcon screamed in agony, holding his bloody stump of broken bone that used to be his hand.

"It figures a MAN would fail to get out of here!" Samus yelled and used her cannon to blow a hole through the wall.

"Hey!" a guard yelled running over to Samus. "I don't think you're allowed to carry one of those around in here."

"JUST BECAUSE I'M A GIRL!" Samus screamed and ripped the guard's head off.

"Hey!" the same guard yelled in response. "I don't think you're allowed to rip people's heads off in here."

"WHY DO YOU MEN HAVE TO ALL BE SO OPPRESSIVE!" Samus yelled in her anger/road rage.

"Settle down" Fluffy tried to say to Samus.

"SHUT UP YOU STEREOTYPE FOR WHAT WOMEN SHOULD BE!" Samus yelled and started bashing Fluffy's head against the wall.

Meta Knight thought about helping but decided he'd rather look normal during this situation.

Pit thought about helping but decided he'd rather look at a spot on the wall dramatically.

Wario thought about helping but decided to slap Luigi instead.

Luigi thought about helping but got slapped and soon forgot his name.

Who thought about helping but realized that it would be a good experience for the kids if they learned how to deal with these kinds of problems on their own.

Dr. Mario thought about helping but decided he'd rather take those pills he had been hiding.

Popo thought about helping but forgot the meaning of the word 'help.'

Gannondorf thought about helping but decided he'd rather capture Zelda.

Zelda thought about helping but was immediately captured by Gannondorf.

Link thought about helping but decided to save Zelda instead.

Roy thought about helping but decided it would look cool if he walked to where Pit was, sat down, and looked up at a part of the ceiling dramatically.

Fox thought about helping but suddenly got the urge to slap Falco.

Falco thought about helping but Fox immediately slapped him.

Ness thought about helping but was immediately beaten up by two random bullies and had his lunch money stolen.

C. Falcon thought about helping but decided to hit the wall with his hand again. With a crack he fell over crying.

Fluffy thought about helping but realized that she was the one in need of help.

Samus thought about helping. She realized that she was the woman and that men can never help, so she helped stop Samus from beating Fluffy.

"Are you happy now! I just saved you like no man ever could!" Samus yelled.

"But you were the one who was beating me!" Fluffy replied.

"STOP COMING UP WITH EXCUSES FOR THE MEN YOU MAN-LOVER!" Samus screamed in anger and tried to jump out of a window dramatically. There was no window, so Samus crashed into the wall that C. Falcon had been punching and then exploded.

"NOW'S MY CHANCE!" C. Falcon screamed taking control of the moment and bashing his foot as hard as he could into the wall. Another sick crackling noise was heard as C. Falcon fell to the floor in pain. He then died of blood gain.

"Wow. He gained so much blood at once that he died!" Dr. Mario said as he was a doctor and had seen cases like this before.

Everyone ignored the dead people and started to walk out of the jail.

"Hey!" the guard who had had his head ripped off yelled. "I don't think prisoners are allowed to leave without permission!"

They ignored him and left.

"Are you guys glad that you got to learn so much about computers today?" Who yelled.

"Umm. What did any of that have to do with computers?" Ness asked in confusion.

"SHUT UP!" Who screamed and then impaled himself on a passing car.

"Well. I guess that's it for school today then." Ness said.

Everyone nodded in agreement and left to go home. Then they realized that they were standing outside of a jail and had no way to get home. Fortunately, Pit and Roy knew how to do montages (those cool scenes where everything goes by really fast and they get tons of work done in what seems like seven seconds) and so they managed to montage their way back home after some funny yet heart warming experiences with hitch-hiking and serial killers.

* * *

YAY! 

I like this chapter!

Then again I like all my chapters!

Some people are n00bs and like to say they hate people who get good grades because they're so 'above' everyone else. I have something to say in response.

Yes, I hate the majority of people who get extremely good grades and then start thinking this means you don't deserve to even look at them. Does this mean everyone who gets good grades sucks? NO! There are people who get 2.0s and act as if they're more mature and sophisticated. 2.0 students who like to brag a lot can SOUND like they've done more than the person who got a 4.0 and doesn't always talk about it to everyone. I've seen 2.0 people who act as if the only reason they didn't get an A is because the CLASS was below them. "Einstein said he never let school get in the way of his education," they say with a smug grin. Fine then, if you plan on coming up with breakthrough theories in physics like Einstein did then go ahead and quote that. Otherwise stop being a whiney bitch and DO your schoolwork!

I get a 4.0. I say that because it surprises me. When I started on this website I was going to remediation for English. Because of this site I now get a 4.0. If that makes me somehow LOWER than you people who only know how to say stupid Einstein quotes and complain then fine. I guess that also means that God himself is lower than you perceive yourself to be. But that's only what YOU think of yourself. You'll never go as far as you say you will unless you start planning the way.

In the end all I'm trying to say is it's the attitude, not the GPA that pisses me off. I don't care what the grades are, stuck up pricks can have a 0.3 GPA and still think they're better than 'normal' people.

Sorry to have said this. I know it's a bit serious. I don't like to be this serious. I just feel that some people who used to like me don't like me anymore because I managed to do something right. I just want to know how the hell someone gets off hating someone else because they did something right.

Anyway, back to the story! YAY! PEOPLE DIED!

R&LAMBYAN… Read and Laugh At Me Because You're A N00b!


	9. Musical Angst

**Smashville High School!**

**Chapter 9: Musical Angst**

Disclaimer: I don't own the gun that killed that little girl and I don't have anything to do with it! STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS!

Reviews: Zomg thanx

Gold stars:

If you reviewed: 5

If you liked it: 2

If you can get me to stop writing forever and ever: 373

If you can't drive: -26 because I can (technically) and I want to make you feel bad…

Remember the schedule: (and also remember… it's A/B schedule… so they go to half of the classes each day)

_1 period Geometry  
2 period Biology  
3 period English  
4 period Gym  
5 period World Civ.  
6 period Comp. Tech.  
7 period AP Commercial Art 2 honors  
8 Teacher's Assistant_

I am what I am and I am going to am you yes I am…

WTF did I say? If you guess it right I'll pay your way through college!

REEL BIG FISH! RANDOM MUSIC THAT I DOWNLOAD OFF OF LIMEWIRE! WHATEVER ELSE!

* * *

Pit and Roy were walking down the hallway looking down at random junctions in their sadness. They were so unloved and hated and stuff. Poor Pit had only had several _thousand_ worshipers so far. The pain was unbearable. Roy understood this as he had once been forced to go through life without all his dramatic pauses being noticed. Pit and Roy suddenly stopped to make a dramatic pause and stare up at the ceiling.

(Singing) "Why does life have to be so hard? Why can't I have my own collection cards? Who came up with the idea of not worshipping MEEEE? I feel so shitty." Pit said waiving his arms around in an attempt to be dramatic. He just ended up looking creepy. Now he hated life.

(Singing) "I know how it feels to have so little!" Roy said as he was checking his wallet for the $40 that his dad had given him for his daily allowance. "The hearts some people have are so brittle! But if we work together then some day it might get better, but for now all we can do is sit and cry. No one will get our message, why?"

As the two were sitting there, dancing around crying about their lack of a decent mansion (they only had 50 million dollar ones), Link walked up to them.

(Singing) "Have any of you bothered to remember me? My fans have all apparently abandoned. Instead of all the millions of fan mails that I could see, it's been reduced to thousands and I cry!" Link said looking at the camera in a way that looked hot. All the fangirls screamed. Link misinterpreted this as hate. And why the crap was there a _camera_ in this _story_?

(Singing) "We know how you feel, we go through crap every day. Sometimes people wont bend over backwards to all we say! To make up for all the pain you're going through. I guess we'll have to buy a brand new car for you!" Roy and Pit sing and immediately a new car appeared in front of Link.

(Singing) "I HATE IT! I HATE YOU! YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND! THIS NEW CART LOOKS ONLY TO BE WORTH _ONE HUNDRED _GRAND!" Link shouted so loud that they never heard the bell for first period and never went there.

At first period Crazy Hand pulled out a hammer and started beating Ness with it because Ness couldn't remember the name of the student that wore a cape and had a mask and sword and was normal and tried to kill Kirby in the games.

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW? HE'S A NEW STUDENT!" Ness screamed but was then beat even harder by Crazy Hand because he had said something in a non-song format.

(Singing) "Yay! I feel so normal! No one knows my name and no one treats me formal! Everything is going as I planned. Now if I only had a little sand…" Meta Knight said referring to a fetish of his. He then realized that that wouldn't be normal so he only dreamed about sand… poor guy…

"That hammer that Crazy Hand is beating you with is from my black market!" Mewtwo said in a 'zomg guess what' kind of way.

"When did _you _ever own a black market? In what way do you and the black market go together?" Ness asked before getting beaten twice as hard by Crazy Hand for not mentioning Mewtwo's name in the discussion. Ness was then knocked out _hot_. Not knocked out _cold_. He was knocked out _hot_. It was so hot that when Mewtwo went to check if Ness was OK his hand melted off. He screamed and then bought a new one from his black market.

(Singing) "I really don't know what me and a black market have in common. Maybe Ness had a point and I feel like eating Ramen." Mewtwo said flailing his tail around in a Broadway style.

The whole class went like this until Roy and Pit and Link walked into the room.

(Singing) "I see Ness laying there bloody, and I think about my own pain. It's twice as bad but Ness has to complain, why does Ness always do stuff in vain?" Roy asked as Pit and Link nodded in agreement and looked at the bloody Ness in anger. What right did _he_ ever have to complain?

The bell rang to end first period and Crazy Hand took a severed foot in lawful marriage. They were soon divorced over the issue of illegal immigration though.

"WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME MEXICO?" Crazy Hand screamed trying to look up but failing due to the fact that he's a hand.

"I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY, YO!" Mexico responded like a gangsta.

In Biology, Ms. Wire Frame was trying to set up a chemical lab. She messed up and got acid all over her wires, she screamed falling over in pain when two chemicals mixed and the whole set exploded. Everyone sat there in silence before realizing that they didn't have a teacher in this class anymore! YAY! FREE DAY!

(Singing) "My pain is still so great. My Princess is hot and she has a castle but I still have reasons to hate!" Link said holding his hands up to show his sadness. He ended up slapping Ness in the attempt and Ness was knocked out _cold_ this time. So cold that when Mewtwo went to check on him his hand was frozen off and he had to get a new hand from his black market.

(Singing) "HA! You slapped the EMO prick that wont stop complaining! I wish he'd just shut up, my face is worth framing." Pit said first laughing at Ness, then trying to find a way to make the music rhyme.

Zelda walked up to Link and hugged him with a tear in her eye.

(Singing) "Oh Link, there's a tear in my eye… the type of tear that rips and I think I might die… so…" Zelda tried to continue but the tear in her eye caused an infection to kill her. Link cried, then killed himself. Zelda woke up from death and would have done a Juliet kind of dramatic sorrow scene but couldn't because she was a zombie. She started munching on Link's brain.

The bell for second period to end started, and then the bell for third period came… yeah… Everyone went to English class as Zelda killed Luigi and ate his brain.

"Sonic! Zelda just killed Luigi!" Ness said raising his hand as Zelda moaned and did whatever else zombies do.

(Singing) "Nobody cares!" Sonic yelled. "The only thing that matters is that Shakespeare is no longer alive! Never try original stuff, old crap is what for you should strive! Whilst on thy yonder 'tis thee shall be all thee can say! You better start doing all of that crap today! Oh… and yeah… Luigi's unimportant too…" Sonic screamed.

Zelda stood up and walked towards Sonic with her hands outstretched. She missed and slapped into a Shakespeare poster.

"IT'S GO TIME!" Sonic screamed and pulled out two huge FT-27X magnums and immediately wondered what the hell that meant. He then remembered that Zelda had desecrated his idle and blew Zelda's face onto Roy's pants.

(Singing) "EWW! How do you expect me to wash this? These were my thousand dollar jeans! To get another pair I'd have to take five minutes. You always ruin what I do it seems!" Roy sang in sorrow as Ness shook his head. I'm not saying Ness shook Ness's head… I'm saying Ness shook Roy's head. This pissed Roy off. Roy gave Ness an evil glare and just stood there dramatically. Then Roy went to slice Ness in half, but froze in order to make more drama. This gave Ness the time to go to the mall, buy some Ice cream, walk home, ask his mom if they could have pizza for dinner tonight, argue with her about it for several minutes, walk back to the school, buy a soda from the vending machine, argue with Mewtwo about the whole 'black market' thing, mourn over the loss of innocence, walk back, and then step out of the way. Roy missed. Zelda had died of aging in this time.

In all this time third period ended and everyone went to fourth period as Roy and Pit glared at Ness in an angry and dramatic style.

At fourth period Giga Bowser was sitting there with whips and chains grinning. He was next to a pile of broken glass.

(Singing) "Hello class! You all have to play my favourite game in the world. With this glass, and some whips and chains you'll beat each other until someone's darkest secret is unfurled. Roy and Pit will be the referees!" Giga Bowser said looking at Ness in an 'I can't wait to see you screaming in pain because once that happens I can pull out the camera and take pictures and blackmail you with it later and this will get me all your lunch money because I'm only two bucks away from buying a brand new car' kind of way.

(Singing) "Why do we always have to get the hard jobs? They get to play in the glass today, as we have to sit and watch them be evil snobs." Roy and Pit screamed in sadness.

So Roy and Pit were forced to watch as Ness was brutally beaten with whips and chains as he rolled on the glass and Giga Bowser laughed while taking pictures. They cried as they realized that they were so misunderstood. They cried as they realized that Ness got all the attention and still complained anyway. Why did Ness have to be so evil? Roy fell over and died. It was dramatic.

"NOOOOOO!" Pit screamed as he looked up into the air.

Then the bell rang and everyone went home. As they left Master Hand called Ness to the office.

"What?" Ness asked.

(Singing) "I wish you'd stop being so selfish. Can't you see the pain you've caused others… umm… SHELLFISH! Dang I'm good" Master Hand said slapping Ness in his anger.

"WHAT DID I DO?" Ness screamed as Master Hand slapped him into a wall.

"Stop complaining, I'm tired" Master Hand said and fell asleep on the desk. The desk collapsed getting various shards and spiky objects stuck in Master Hand. He'd feel that in the morning.

So everyone left.

School was over.

You can stop reading now.

Or would you rather I kept going?

Because it would be kind of boring if there's no school and everyone's gone.

Some janitors walked through the halls and did whatever janitors do.

There were babies involved.

Death and stuff too…

So yeah…

Then it was night…

People were sleeping…

It's over…

Just… stop reading… I want to go to bed…

* * *

YAY!

Bye!

I don't care!

People hate me!

I love it!

I love me!

I love GAY RIGHTS!

Now I don't…

I dont hate gay people... just the ones that are open about it...

I don't hate Republicans… just Republicans that state why they're Republicans and actually think that means anything…

I don't hate Democrats… just Democrats that actually talk about why they disagree with Bush…

I don't hate Ralf Nader… just his name…

I don't hate Immigrants… just the ones that make it across…

I don't hate EMO… just the complaining ones…

I don't hate Marry Sues… just the over exaggerated ones…

I don't hate America… just the government and the people…

I don't hate School… just the parts that involve learning…

I don't hate computers… just the electronic parts…

I don't hate flams… just the mean ones…

I don't hate reviews… just the ones you send me… so don't… seriously… I want this chapter to have NO reviews… at ALL (seriously)


	10. Spiritual Cleansing1

**Smashville High School!**

**Chapter 10: Spiritual Cleansing pt. 1**

Disclaimer: I don't own, I rent. So all stupidity that you claim is mine is actually the stupidity I'm borrowing from someone else… such as you…

Reviews: If you reviewed then I hate you and your children!

Gold stars:

If you reviewed: 1

If you liked it: 2

If you know my life history: 3

If you can guess in your review how many times I've bashed my head into something: 55

Remember the schedule: (and also remember… it's A/B schedule… so they go to half of the classes each day)

_1 period Geometry  
2 period Biology  
3 period English  
4 period Gym  
5 period World Civ.  
6 period Comp. Tech.  
7 period AP Commercial Art 2 honors  
8 Teacher's Assistant_

I blame politics for the downfall of puppet shows! I LIKED PUPPET SHOWS! HOW DARE THEY TAKE AWAY MY PUPPETS!1

REEL BIG FISH!

* * *

Everything was going as normal as possible at Smashville High School this morning… everything but one person. Ok maybe it was two people… OK fine… things weren't going very normally this morning. 

Pit and Roy were looking at everything dramatically and animeally… they had just discovered truth, this truth was a truth that was so truthful that it couldn't be not true… it was just that true…

"WE HAVE FOUND THE TRUTH!" Roy and Pit yelled together as they stood there…in a way… that was… umm… original…

"What are you idiots talking about now?" Ness asked.

"Shut up you nonbeliever!" Roy yelled.

"Yeah you infidel!" Pit screamed.

"Doubter!" Roy bellowed.

"Antagonist!" Pit hollered.

"Cynical freak!' Roy clarified.

"Why the hell did you CLARIFY that to me?" Ness asked.

Roy and Pit glared at Ness angrily and left, taking the book that had somehow not been mentioned until now with them.

"They had a book?" Ness asked himself like the PATHETIC LOSER his is.

So the bell rang for fifth period and everyone went there five seconds late.

"You're late!" Mr. Wire Frame screamed pointing at Ness with accusation.

"So was everyone else!" Ness responded.

"If everyone else went to school would you do that too? HUH? What if everyone else set out to save the world from the ultimate evil? WOULD YOU DO THAT?" Mr. Wire Frame screamed with his mouth shut. So no one could hear what he was saying and everyone ignored him.

"I'm giving you a U, Ness. Starting now, anyone that hits you during class will get an H." said that teacher guy that was made out of wires.

"That isn't…" Ness started but wasn't able to finish. Everyone else had started bashing random objects into Ness's head. Meta Knight had at first not attacked Ness, as he thought S would be the perfect 'normal' grade, but when he noticed that everyone else was doing it he figured he might as well too.

So when everyone was back in his or her or its seat and Ness was knocked out cold Mr. Wire Frame started his lesson.

_BORING ALERT!_

"So when the general Asian population realized that the British weren't actually Asians they got pretty pissed off. They soon realized that trading gold for lice wasn't exactly a very fair deal either. So the general Asian population called upon the Japanese to push the foreigners back. Japanese were so smart and cool and sexy and awesome and good at fighting and wonderful and better than any other race, so this was possible. The Japanese fought the Americans first. They soon realized that dramatic poses were useless in the face of heavy machine guns and cannons. So, like the amazing and cool people they were compared to the horrible and evil Americans, Japan made it's own cannons. Japan then told America politely to leave. America politely left. This amazing strategy used by the Japanese is now called the 'please stop it' technique and has been used by France many times. Because the French aren't as cool or sexy or awesome as the Japanese it has never worked for them. The general Asian population soon got pissed off at Japan because Japan never actually opposed British power and soon started conquering the rest of Asia. So they got the power of Indiana Jones and went to war. Sadly, Indiana Jones wasn't an Asian, and so he wasn't cool enough to beat the Japanese. This is when America invented a strategy that could be used to defeat Japans awesomeness and coolness and sexiness, anime clubs. With the anime clubs Americans could throw enough zit infested high pitched squealing freaks at Japan, successfully scaring them away from any form of western culture. The world was saved, for now.

_END BORING ALERT!_

Mr. Wire Fame woke the class up with a flamethrower. Or at least he tried to wake them up with a flamethrower. He just ended up setting the knocked out Ness on fire. Ness melted. Ness was dead now. Finally.

Mr. Wire Frame then tried to wake the class up by stabbing Bowser in the face. Bowser just started bleeding and died.

"DAMNIT! WAKE UP!" Mr. Wire Frame screamed. Sadly, his lesson had been so boring that his class couldn't wake up.

The bell rang.

The class woke up and left.

"You've got to be kidding me…" Mr. Wire Frame cried and ran to hide in his corner to start cutting himself in shame.

In the halls Roy and Pit started preaching about the greatness of the Kazzjaffian religion.

"Mewtwo! Join the light!" Roy and Pit yelled as he passed by.

"Sorry, but I have a black market to run…" Mewtwo said.

"No you don't! Ness is gone dude, you don't need to pretend anymore." Roy said.

"Ok fine… I've been getting all my supplies at Wal-Mart… just… OK whatever I'll join!" Mewtwo said and was baptized right there in the hall.

"THIS IS GREAT! WE NEED TO CONVERT EVERYONE!" Pit screamed and they ran off to find more people.

The bell for eighth period rang, even though it was time for sixth period instead. Then Master Hand came on the announcement thing.

"Sorry kids… we're having a problem… please go to your sixth period" Master Hand said.

So the kids all went to eighth period.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? GO TO SIXTH PERIOD!" Master Hand screamed and slapped Meta Knight out of the room. He let everyone else stay.

"Must… look normal…" Meta Knight screamed and ran back into the room.

"Hey! Meta Knight! Join the church of the Kazzjaff or go to hell and burn and die!" Roy said.

"How many members do you have?" Meta Knight asked.

"Three!" Roy replied.

"Screw that! I'm sticking to agnostic! Everyone knows the in thing is hating all religion!" Meta Knight crenulated.

"What the hell did you just do?" Roy asked, freaked out. "And besides, everyone knows me and Pit are the in things… so doing whatever we tell you to do would be a good idea!"

Meta Knight kept up his crenulations until Doctor Mario could find a dictionary and see what the hell it was he was doing.

"Sorry Doctor Mario… this is a school… there aren't any dictionaries" Master Hand said.

This continued until Meta Knight crenulated himself to near death. His last words were, "please, tell me that they like me." And he died.

People started crying. Roy and Pit claimed they were going to have a burial for their departed friend and that the Kazzjaff blessing would be there so everyone should go. As everyone sat around Meta Knights dead body crying Doctor Mario piped up.

"A-HA! I found it! Crenulate… or crenulated… adjective… Having a margin with very small, low, rounded teeth… a crenulate leaf." Doctor Mario squealed.

"Stop squealing… you sound gay!" Pit said as everyone immediately thought that the word 'gay' coming out of Pit's mouth was a confession.

"Shut up! You're gay! You wear a dress!" Doctor Mario shouted.

"Guys! Shut up! Let the religion of Kazzjaff defeat all hatred… and how the hell does someone small teeth themselves to death?" Roy asked.

Everyone shuddered, or at least attempted to shudder. Some of them ended up shivering instead. There were even some that quivered.

So Master Hand finally managed to get everyone out of his classroom with a blowtorch and a small puppy. They all went to Sixth period, which was almost over.

"OK CLASS! You have a test! What is a Goatherd?" said the teacher who was just a black space also known as Mr. Plot Hole Man.

Everyone took the test and then the class was over. So they went to lunch.

"Why have we never gone to lunch before?" Popo asked.

"Oh… you guys have been going to lunch… it's just that usually the food is from Mexico… with all the news attention on illegal immigration we've been forced to get our food from Wal-Mart instead. So now the food tastes worse… but at least you don't end up peeing out blood for several hours and forgetting everything that's been going on!" Master Hand explained.

"So THAT'S why I always felt so bad during seventh period!" Falco said in amazement.

"No… you feel bad seventh period because there was a naked bum in that class." Master Hand explained some more.

All this explanation caused Mr. Plot Hole Man to explode in a fiery ball of death and rabies.

Everyone started eating at his or her or its own tables.

"You know… Kazzjaff hasn't been catching on as much as I had hoped" Pit said to Roy while guzzling down seven live pigs.

"Yeah… we need to step it up a notch next period…" Roy said to Marth… who was being served as part of the lunch.

"That's nasty!" Zero Suit Samus said. She then realized no one wanted to talk to her and walked away to her own corner crying.

"STUPID EMO! YOU JUST WANT ATTENTION DON'T YOU!" Roy yelled pointing at Zero Suit Samus in anger… he then went back to listening to his hardcore My Chemical Romance and slitting his wrists.

"Anyway… how do you think we should convert people?" Pit asked.

"We should start randomly quoting from the Great Book of the Kazzjaff!" Roy said with a stroke of genius, this soon changed to a full time stroke and Roy ended up puking out Marth's liver onto Pit.

"This is a stupid eating sequence…" Pit said.

Roy agreed and everything stopped.

* * *

YAY! 

And shut up… If you review me… I want it to be a completely blank review with ABSOLUTELY no words in it… punctuation is fine though…

Stay tuned! Next time there will be ACTUAL religious stuff instead of just mentioning Kazzjaff like crazy…

Don't be offended… if you are it's just because you're too stupid to do anything else…

Seriously though… I don't blame you if you don't like this chapter… I don't blame you if you hate ME or anything I do actually… but if you're a bitch about it then yes… I do blame you…

R&R!… Read and Rip-off!


	11. Spiritual Cleansing2

**Smashville High School!**

**Chapter 11: Spiritual Cleansing pt. 2**

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing… (laughs because what I just said was really witty and cool)

Reviews: REVIEW THIS! NOW!

Gold stars:

If you reviewed: 1

If you liked it: 2

If you go to school: 3

If you get good grades: 0 (I HATE EVERYONE AT MY SCHOOL THAT GETS A 4.0 BECAUSE THEY THINK THAT MAKES THEM SOMEHOW BETTER THAN ME! The funny thing is they don't know I get a 4.0 there… they think I'm just some idiot who wouldn't know anything)

If you go to school during the summer: 33 because I feel your pain…

If you like Reel Big Fish: 999 becuz j00 r the kewlz! No really… you are…

Remember the schedule: (and also remember… it's A/B schedule… so they go to half of the classes each day)

_1 period Geometry  
2 period Biology  
3 period English  
4 period Gym  
5 period World Civ.  
6 period Comp. Tech.  
7 period AP Commercial Art 2 honors  
8 Teacher's Assistant_

Pee Wee Herman is the next big thing! Even though he's been off air for years now! He's still the next big thing!

REEL BIG FISH! ICP! MAD CADDIES! BEDROOM PHILOSOPHER!

* * *

As lunch ended everyone went to go to his or her or its next class, AP Commercial Art 2 honours. 

"Welcome to class today! We found that that bum was way to offensive and harsh, so today I will be your teacher! My name is Mr. Sandbag and today we will draw what it looks like to get hit in the face with a shovel!" Sandbag said wiggling around in an attempt to be funny. Captain Falcon laughed, proving how pathetic he is… especially since C. Falcon is dead and so we don't really know how he was laughing.

So everyone spent an hour drawing. Then they handed in their works of art.

Pit tried to draw a dramatic mongoose getting eaten by a horrifying and evil turtle in order to depict the sadness of our times. What ended up happening on paper was a couple of ink splats and scribbles.

"Well done Pit… that was very dramatic and sad… it tells a lot about today" Mr. Sandbag said.

Wario drew a big zit.

Zero Suit Samus drew a typical 1950s family at home around the dinner table with the mom cooking and the dad having come back from work. The ACLU, GU, KKK, NYPD, and various other legal groups soon sued her.

"You're such a bigot Samus!" Mr. Sandbag yelled trying to point but just ripping off a piece of his skin in the attempt.

Dr. Mario drew a person getting hit in the face with a shovel.

"You idiot! True artists never draw anything that resembles what they were trying to draw in ANY way!" Mr. Sandbag said nonchalantly and then giggled to himself for knowing what nonchalantly means.

Gannondorf drew a stick figure with the word 'LINK' over it getting stabbed with scribbles going through it and various things like 'haha', 'ooh who's the hero of time now?', and 'I liek piez' written off to the side.

Falco drew a bird.

Fox drew a plane.

Popo drew superman!

Mewtwo laughed at the superman joke.

"Where's your artwork?" Mr. Sandbag asked nicely.

"I laughed at the superman joke… that's about all I've been doing this hour…" Mewtwo said looking sideways in shame.

Mr. Sandbag pulled out a baseball bat and broke Mewtwo's neck with it, laughing inconsistently the whole time.

Roy wrote KAZZJAFF in big letters.

"Roy… you don't just write something… you DRAW something!" Mr. Sandbag said.

With this Roy jumped on top of his desk and pointed at Mr. Sandbag.

"Kazzjaff is more than JUST writing! HE IS THE GREAT AND ANCIENT GOD THAT WE ALL MUST WORSHIP!" Roy yelled pointing at everyone with a glare of "you better be listening to what I'm saying because if you aren't then I wasted $50 dollars on this suit" in his toenail.

Class ended and everyone started going to 8th period, Teachers Assistant. Roy and Pit decided that now would be a good time to get their next follower, Popo.

Roy and Pit cornered Popo, despite the fact that Smashville High School was too small of a school to HAVE corners. Then they began doing… stuff…

"Join us Popo" Roy said pulling out his sword.

"The great Kazzjaff calls you…" Pit said getting INSIDE of Popo's face.

Popo started to cry.

"Kazzjaff will give you blessings!" Roy said.

"Get baptised and join our ways!" Pit said.

So Popo, deciding that it would be best to go along with these scary people, and deciding that he needed to take a bath anyway, got baptised right there in the hall using the drinking fountain and some helper squirrels.

Roy and Pit then set their sights on their next target, Falco.

"Join us!" Pit said pulling out a harp.

"Join the Kazzjaff!" Roy said pulling out some lip-gloss.

Pit grabbed Falco by the beak and slammed him up against the wall. This got brown sticky stuff all over Pit's hand.

"EWW! Haven't you taken a proper shower since the beginning of the school year?" Pit asked, disgusted. Falco simply blushed.

With this Roy and Pit forced Falco to get baptised… if only just to get him to clean his beak.

Roy and Pit then went for Fox.

Fox joined.

Everyone laughed at the comedic way in which Fox was forced to join.

Gannondorf joined for the tax benefits.

Dr. Mario was busy popping some pills when Roy and Pit came up to him.

"Umm… Join us…" Pit said.

"AHHHH! THE GREEN THINGS ARE COMING!" Doctor Mario screamed and took out a surgical knife. He sliced away at the imaginary green things until he saw Gannondorf walk by.

"AHHHH! THE LEADER OF THE GREEN THINGS!" Doctor Mario screamed and started bashing Gannondorf's head against the wall. Then he jabbed Gannondorf's eyes out with the surgical knife. Then he ripped off both of Gannondorf's legs and started beating him with them. Then he forced three tons of gummy bears down Gannondorf's mouth. Gannondorf cried in the horrifying and yet tasty sensation. Gannondorf was still alive and participating in class activities though.

"There are no class activities to participate in! We aren't in class!" Roy screamed and cut off Gannondorf's big toe for the mistake. This killed our poor evil king.

"YAY! THE GREEN THINGS ARE GONE! I'LL JOIN YOUR CULT!" Doctor Mario said and baptised himself with his new, baptism pills.

Wario joined just because he thought it would be a cool way to meet new people.

Zero Suit Samus condemned Roy and Pit for making a cult when there are already enough cults on this earth that struggle to live and they should just join one of those cults instead of making another one that might not even last a day. Pit shoved his harp down her throat for this. She now had a musical voice. The problem is she couldn't make actual words come out… just musical notes…

Everyone went to eighth period.

"Good morning guys… today I would like you to steal the Mona Lisa and hang it up in this room!" Master Hand said and then left.

…

…

"So…" Popo said.

"SHUT UP! YOU AREN'T THE LEADER! I SMELL REBELLION! NO!" Roy said dramatically as he gazed at the stars with wonder.

"CALM DOWN ROY! WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT THROUGH THIS!" Pit said dramatically crying as the stars gazed at him with wonder/horror/we have nothing better to do with our time.

With this everyone calmed down and simply stole the Mona Lisa in a comical way involving some cameo appearances from My Chemical Romance and Fairly Odd Parents. Everyone laughed at the hilarity of it all.

Everyone then looked evilly at Zero Suit Samus.

"Why aren't YOU part of our cult?" they asked together in confusion at the fact that they had all said the same thing perfectly.

_Perfect B flat major in alto clef_ Zero Suit Samus yelled at everyone.

Roy and Pit started to cry. Everyone understood the meaning of the Kazzjaff being just a snore reduction pill and decided a cult about snoring maybe wasn't the best idea.

"We're sowwy" Roy and Pit said with their heads down and tears flowing out of their fingernails.

Zero Suit Samus tried to reply, but one of the harp's strings broke. This caused a chain reaction in her body, which led to her exploding in a massive ball of fire and water and wind and earth and heart.

"How the hell is heart in any way related to those other things?" Fox asked.

Then Captain Planet flew up.

"Remember kids! Don't throw your garbage on the ground! And soon global warming will come and kill you all for your sinful ways!" Captain Planet said before exploding into five different rings, each of which got accidentally flushed down the toilet within five minutes.

"Oops! We killed Captain Planet!" Falco said.

Everyone laughed a typical laugh as the screen faded away.

* * *

YAY! 

I have a slight suspicion that the majority of people that read/write fanfictions in the SSBM section are staying away from my stories…

Oh well…

For those of you that have stayed! HERE'S A TRINKET THAT I FOUND IN THE GARBAGE LAST WEEK!

Yes... this is the end of the religious parody... only one more annoying chapter and this story is over!

R&U! Read and Usurp!


	12. The Schools Secret…

**Smashville High School!**

**Chapter 12: The Schools Secret…**

Disclaimer: I Don't own SSBM and I don't own the pain you get from reading this.

Reviews: (Review is another word for Teeter… and don't you dare ask why)

Gold stars:

If you reviewed: 1

If you liked it: 2

If you know how to read: 3

If you know where Michael Jackson went to college: 4

If you still read me even though I suck: -5 because you're soooo totally out of it…

Remember the schedule: (and also remember… it's A/B schedule… so they go to half of the classes each day)

_1 period Geometry  
2 period Biology  
3 period English  
4 period Gym  
5 period World Civ.  
6 period Comp. Tech.  
7 period AP Commercial Art 2 honors  
8 Teacher's Assistant_

This is the last update in this story! THAT MEANS I FINALLY HAVE ENOUGH ROOM FOR MY NEW, BETTER STORY!

REEL BIG FISH! ICP! MAD CADDIES! BEDROOM PHILOSOPHER! ICP!

* * *

Everyone went to first period. 

"Welcome to first period guys…" Crazy Hand said slowly. He soon burst into tears.

"What's wrong?" Popo asked.

"I'm sorry guys… It's just… this whole school year so far has been a lie!" Crazy Hand wailed while rolling around on his desk in sadness. Sadly, rolling on a desk covered in things such as pencils and staplers and nail guns has it's consequences. Crazy Hand impaled himself on a Geometry book by accident and died.

"WTF" Ness tried to pronounce from his grave but failed miserably. Even in death he was a failure…

"Whatever…" Fox said and everyone left for second period. There was no teacher for second period so they all left for third period.

"HI CLASS! I'M SORRY BUT THIS WHOLE TIME I'VE BEEN LYING TO YOU!" Sonic yelled to everyone. Soon after he jumped on one of those spring things that launches you up in Sonic's video games. The problem was that this school had a ceiling, so Sonic's bloody remains were splattered all over the ceiling dripping down onto the class.

"Eww! That's gross!" Fox yelled looking at the mess.

They all left for fourth period.

"I want you to do nine-million laps around the entire country of China!" Giga Bowser screamed pulling out a spiky leather whip.

"Finally, a teacher that is acting somewhat normal!" Popo said.

"I'm just kidding… there's an assembly today, everyone take a seat up on the stands!" Giga Bowser said with a goofy grin on his face.

"AHHHH! AHHHH! AHHHH! THE HORROR OF GIGA BOWSER HAVING A GOOFY GRIN! AHHHH!" Popo screamed and then started running in circles, he tripped and slapped his head into the corner of the stage that had been set up. He died of the West Nile Virus.

Everyone took a seat uncomfortably at the top right corner of the stands. The lights went out and one spotlight was on a podium on the stage. Suddenly Mr. Wire Frame came running up waving his hand to the screaming crowd. The only reason they were screaming was that Mr. Wire Frame was naked. Then they realized that he's always naked as he's only a bunch of wires and so they calmed down.

_BORING ALERT!_

Today… we are here… to tell you kids… that this whole school has been a lie…

_END BORING ALERT!_

Mr. Wire Frame stopped talking as he slapped his face into the podium to get everyone's attention… whom had all been busy mumbling extremely loudly, thus making it impossible to hear what Mr. Wire Frame was saying. The sickening crackle sound got everyone's attention. The problem is that Mr. Wire frame slapped his head into the podium harder than usual and fell over, dead.

"This is getting annoyingly repetitive" Falco said. He died of annoyingly repetitive disorder.

Wario had a heart attack and died.

Sandbag then wiggled his way up to the podium.

"Hello everyone! I think we've had wonderful experiences here. The only problem is we've been lying about this school the whole time!" Sandbag then noticed that he had a rip. All the filling in his body fell out. Sandbag died.

Giga Bowser walked onto the stage. His weight was too much and the stage collapsed, killing him.

"Why does it have to end like this?" Pit said looking dramatically into his own eyes. This caused an error in the central processing unit of the universe and Pit was soon deleted thanks to an error 404 message.

Doctor Mario took an Alka-Seltzer to get rid of the headache he was getting from all this death. Sadly, it was about 7 kilograms of sleeping pills that he had taken instead and he fell over, dead.

Master Hand solemnly floated onto the stage and looked at Fox.

"I'm sorry Fox… but the building you're in… is not really a school…" Master Hand said with a tremble in his middle finger.

"What is it then?" Fox asked.

"It was a strip club the whole time!" Master Hand screamed in sadness, then held a gun up to his head and fired. Sadly, as he didn't have a head, the bullet ended up hitting George W. Bush instead.

"NOOOOO!" said a cute and lovable FBI agent.

"That explains all those times…" Fox said, getting a flashback.

(Flashback)

A 35-year-old bald man with odd facial hair walked up to Jigglypuff and gave her a $20 bill.

"Jigs…" Jigglypuff said nervously, blushing.

(End flashback)

(Flashback 2)

Kirby took his shoes off and started walking around slowly giving odd looks of excitement to the camera

(End flashback 2)

(Flashback 3)

Peach was completely T rated

(End flashback 3)

"It all makes sense now…" Fox said. He then tried to escape the horrid strip club but was tackled by several old men and dragged into the closet. Fox died a miserable T rated death.

"I farted" Peppy said laughing.

"That was hilarious" Slippy said.

"And I'm hotter than a bag of avocadoes!" May said.

"Shut up!" Ash said, crying. "My Pikachu is dead!"

"You really need to get over that" May said.

Ash got into a car and was soon arrested for driving without influence.

"YOU DON'T KNOW! NOBODY KNOWS THE PAIN I GO THROUGH!" Ash screamed and then shot himself in the foot. Since this is where Ash's brain is normally stored Ash died.

"NOOOOO!" May screamed so loud her vocal chords popped and she died.

"I farted again" Peppy said.

"That's still so hilarious" Slippy said.

The Great Fox crashed and they died.

The Great Fox had crashed into the strip club so Master Hand died too.

Fanfiction deleted this story.

THE END

* * *

Wasn't that amazing? 

I think so…

Read and Review and tell me this sucked cause it didn't and I actually liked this one…

This has been CNN news…

That's right… your whole life has been a lie…


End file.
